Lost and Found (20th July 2008)

ALONE

Alone, with no one? None. Hmm… you sure? Yes, a million dollar, a billion dollar sure. I see out of the window, so many people out there, but yes, still I am alone. Right out side the room where I sit typing this I can see three people but then why am I alone? Or am I, or is this just another figment of my weird imagination which I conjure every now and then to feel the way I want to. Why do I need to do this? I have no reason but still I keep on doing it every now and then. And the best part is I have started to enjoy this being alone thing. Why have I started to enjoy this which I used to hate and almost landed up in a disaster to avoid it? May be it would have been better if I would have controlled myself then, at least now it would not have been the way it is.

Being alone is a good thing in itself. I have finally started to look into self, to find myself. I get to spend all the time with myself, and whenever you need someone to feel that you are a human, use technology to connect with people, again with the flexibility of giving only as much time as required, no more, no less. The introspection has led to many discoveries which make me feel good and bad in equal measure. The good is that I have learnt is that it may not be necessary that if we stay alone we end up doing drugs or booze. It may be that we learn to find peace with ourselves. People feel, this way of staying uninvolved is not a good sign, but then can you stay involved with everyone? No. I have found so many qualities in myself which I was unaware of and used to search for them in others. It’s only now that I have seen that I too have many a good qualities, which I always wished I had.

The best is making decisions. Earlier I always looked upon my parents to make decisions for me. Now I go to them for advice and discussions. Still I love them the same, just that now there is an element of extra understanding that has come in. Initially all the decisions made by them had to be followed, they never forced me to, but then I never challenged any. I took them as it is and followed them blind folded, holding their hands. And what I did was very correct, I know if I would not have done that maybe I would not have reached where I am today. True there may be many opportunities that I lost; but then many a disasters have also been done with. Now that I am more mature I know what is good and what is not, still I am prone to mistakes, and I know I have backing to help me in any case. My parents have very beautifully transformed from being great manufacturers to great consultants. They know exactly when, what to do. When they saw that I am good enough to make choices I was left. Thank you for that.

The values that I have are the one which I know will always help me. Sometimes I feel that always doing good will never help me. Being true to all is crap, and help others only if they can help you in future. I was wrong, and it is because of my values I know that I am. The values that are drilled into me are what help me sustain myself the way I am. Many a times when things happen the way we don’t want them to we take everything to be negative, but then it is these values and habits that have been imbibed that make you look at all the aspects and then take decisions. A late decision is way better than a wrong decision. I had a big fight with one of my dearest friends, a big one at that, because I started to look for names, for things which have none. I kept quite, analysed the situation and now have my friend back, less in intimacy, but none the less there, and much better than not being there at all.

Also I learned on how to be self satisfied and keep you within the boundaries and respect limits of other people. I learned it from another friend of mine. Not that I do not maintain my limits, that I always do, but the harm it causes, I learnt from her. Never ever do things that upset others, that is what causes more problems to you in future. How small misunderstanding can get bloated up to a level that they end up spoiling everything, I learned it the hard way. Keeping quite helps a lot. The words “if speech is silver, then silence is gold” are so true I never believed them. The silence, I it feel now. I have started to hear things that were unheard of earlier. I have understood what I never did, what I never wanted to and always took for granted and now I have finally found someone, the most precious of all, Anant. Mysely.

18th of August

18^th august 2006, the day I will always remember. This is the date when I joined L&T, and how happy I was and still am. This is the day when I for the first time felt that I have grownup and am independent and responsible. Till now I always had my parents as my support, I still have the support just that their role has changed from being great sculptors to great consultants. This life is full of surprises and so it was on this day.

Unknown and uninitiated about the company I landed up late by misjudging the distances involved from my flat in Kandivali to office in powai. Still in the college mode, I got up late and then hurried towards the office. The very first day I got to travel in the much famed BEST bus and was more than motivated to be on time from now on ( I am still trying to be up on time, but I don’t miss the office bus what so ever)

Anyways, after the horrid bus ride I reached the office and then reported to the corporate HR at Gate 5. Reaching there was a relief, I had forgotten that all those who are joining with me are none other but the students of yesterday, and many were late. Dressed up as we all were to our best, we could have easily passed off as an executive than a new joinee, and I took advantage of the situation.

After the orientation, and into the department (Switchgear Design and Development Centre, SDDC), I was asked by my IS to sit in the library and fish out some technical information for an ongoing project. I went in, sat with a few journals and technical papers and got bored. All new in the department I knew no one but my IS and GM and no one else knew me. So what to do? I already knew that many fellow joinees will be in a dilemma similar to mine. So I used this as an opportunity to entertain myself. I waited for a person to enter and plastered a serious look on my face. The guy who entered the library saw me and then looked around. There were a few hundred books and me. He took my permission to sit down, and I graciously granted him one. After all here I had an opportunity to make a new friend and have some fun. So as soon as he started reading a journal, I looked up and in a very serious tone asked him details about his college and the like, and in between the conversation all of a sudden, questioned him if he had wished me. Perturbed by the suddenness of the question and it being so off the topic he fumbled. I got an angry look on my face and there he was all flushed red with shame of not wishing a “senior” and his head drooped. After this small act of mine I graciously forgave him only to know that he was a senior who had seen me with my IS and this group had decided to have some fun so as to make me get along with them. All of a sudden the tables turned and I was more violet than red with shame. Could not breathe at the very thought of acting unprofessionally in an organisation and that too on the first day. My seniors had a good time looking at the face of a moron who tried acting smart and we have been “enjoying” each other ever since. After this small prank as if it was not enough I was told a task to be completed by next morning as a way out to the act I committed in the morning. Anyways I worked harder that day and ran all over and finally when I thought I had completed the work came to know that it was a project completed a few years back and I was doing things already done. Again all had a gala time enjoying innocence of a kid. But then I got to learn a lot and know a lot of people. The next day I was assigned to a project and a team and since then it has been a dream run in this organisation.

Life is like a grammar lesson. You find the past perfect and the present tense.

There are so many days, music day, earth day, this day that day, but is there any day as “self day” or “my day”. I am yet to hear about one. But then why is there no day for oneself. I don’t know, don’t want to know, and am glad it is not there. Anyways I am the best person to meet who vehemently opposes such “days”, and trust me I am also against the Hindu fanatic organizations who will not let others live. I don’t like this classification of days in to something like, ok today I’ll stay all day with my pappa and for the rest of the year I don’t care what is happening to him. Maybe this serves for the west but we Indians are a bit different. The very basis of our society is the way we live. All these “days” were created to help the west in connecting with their surroundings while they feverishly pursue their capitalist dreams. And we Indians, as good as we are, are never satisfied with what we have and have to compare, and if possible get, our neighbor’s linen. But this again is not our fault (then what the hell is, darn we Indians are all so faultless), since ages we have a habit of washing our linen in the open and hanging it out to dry and for all to see, and since we have eyes, we have ears, in short senses (or do we have it) we are bound to see the linen and then comment on it (we are good at it, aren’t we, so to help all get rid of this evil I have deactivated my blog comments) ,we need to compare and when we compare we are either happy or sad. Anyways, when it comes to west, their linen is always perceived to be better and cleaner, any guesses why we are all so eager to flaunt all the “phoren maal” when we all can sport Indian.
When it comes to traditions of western countries, we are all eager to jump at them, just because they are all so cool to follow and if we don’t we are all backward, un-cool, and at best “bhaiya” and “behanji” . Just one mention of it in a bollywood flick and there it goes, a new cult is born. Before 1996, when DTPH (Dil to Pagal Hai, and for those uninitiated in Hindi, heart is crazy) was released hardly anyone, save those who were already into the western customs and traditions or had good general knowledge, knew about the concept of “Valentine’s Day”, let alone celebrate it. After this it has become a phenomenon, and I guess, and may be it is the case, that apna Hindustan, may be the country where most number of people celebrate it, with or without even knowing what are they doing let alone why they are. The people who for sure have fallen in love with this concept are the corporations that sell gifts for the day and laugh and celebrate at the very look of their coffers that have bloated up like a hog. Just see the vulgar prices that the gifts sell at on that day, a large, heart shaped soft toy sells for eighteen grand only to be massacred when the two “lovers” break up. The youth of any country is vulnerable, in the US kids go on a shooting spree, mowing down their friends in a bid to save them from the tyranny of life, in India we are all see that the life is so rosy. If you don’t have a girlfriend/boyfriend then Oh! my God, are you a homosexual??, another concept which has now become so common, people actually have started to fear it to be true ( the concept of not having a GF/BF means you have a natural tendency towards…. ). After this, so many “days” have been celebrated/ invented, mostly by corporations to help them smile broader. Every “day” is a new “day” now. If nothing is planned for some day, just name it after the first thing you see in the morning, and if it your ugly face then there you have it finally “my day”.
This vulnerability is what is exploited and made good use of by the businessmen. The concepts of west are shown to be the coolest thing around and those following them to be the hottest lot. We many a times overlook what suits us. What is good and what is not for our society, our culture. We tarnish our culture on the pretext of moving ahead with times. Can we not take care and respect our elders while we work, respect women, lead a life based on karma, our fore fathers did it and so did my dad and I hope I too will do it. People say, “pehle ki baat aur thee, tab bahut time tha, itna tension nahin thaa life mein”, arey bhai its still the same, just that we have started to compare the linen more often now than we did before. Now we want every child to graduate from IIT/AIIMS/IIM else he/she is of no use. And this is what keeps on getting added till the concept of great western cultures sets in. we have taken our values for granted and then suffer. Many feel that others are good. I tell this because I have seen people think on these lines, they forget who and what they are in a bid to be like someone whom they always wanted to be, and in this loose themselves. Instead of aping we should try to imbibe the good of all, and that too if it suits us. We have a great culture and we should respect it. The best part of it all is that now the firangis whom we were aping are finding the wisdom that we took for granted to be their savior. Now doctors in west prescribe yoga and pranaayam as a way to remain healthy. Sanskrit is the most researched language in the world and has been found to be the most logical, being used for developing highly efficient coding practices and languages. And where are we? Much “ahead” in time, almost nearing demise of great traditions. Now we get teachers from U.S. and England to teach us yoga, Sanskrit and the ancient wisdom. One of my friends got to know the correct spelling of his name by a British emigration officer when he reached London (they still have no idea of numerology, it seems, ask our bollywood nautankiwaalas who owe their success to that extra “A” in their name).
There is still time we woke up and started feeling proud of our traditions, saying namaste instead of wassup, and following what our elders taught us. We have moved ahead to let go superstition but not traditions, we have moved ahead to let go discrimination on basis of caste etc., but not of good and bad. Hope that the great traditions continue the way they have for thousands of years. After all life is like a grammar lesson. You find the past perfect and the present tense.